Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Do You Hate The Wait?
There is one particular circumstance that most people can agree upon is torture. The urge to pee wins out against all else. You are no longer able to hold it in. Your bladder threatens you with mutiny and you rush to the bathroom only to find it occupied.
The only bathroom that you can use and it is not available. No matter how you announce yourself and plead with that person on the other side of the door, the choice is gone. You can no longer be the master of your own bladder, for your bladder has earned your approval. The contract has been signed and documented, and copies have been filed with your lawyer. There is no going back and so you wait.
Slowly, the seconds tick by as the sensation builds. At any moment you will no longer need to use the toilet, but the shower. The bathtub that would welcome you in a full embrace. The mirror that would cloud over with steam to hide your shame. This you can imagine as the door remains firmly closed and locked.
Yes, not only is the cruelty of the universe being directed towards you, but the shame is gone. No longer are you keen to wait for a few moments. The handle rattles as you try with desperation to open the door. The person inside laughs it off. They'll be done in a second. They'll be done soon. No worries, and as the door opens you agonize over the weight in their steps. They lurch forward like the least graceful cow you have ever witnessed. Each lumbering jolt taunting you with the closeness, but yet you cannot yet pass. As you hurriedly move out of their path, with the same agility as the swiftest cheetah they barely clear the halfway point.
Finally, the goal is near. They finally exit that sacred room. You lunge forwards and with last bit of sense manage to kick the door shut behind you. Then you are lost as your bladder takes possession. Only when you feel your humanity lurking over your shoulder, you realize that there is no hope. For the toilet paper roll is empty. The madness overtakes you as you rage that there is no toilet paper in the bathroom!!! After all of your indignity of waiting for that tottering oaf and you are stranded with no chance at salvation.
Turning, you seek any chance at salvation. The universe rewards your patience and you grab hold of the container. The wipes are better than toilet paper and you treat yourself to being clean. As if you the finest specimen known to man would settle for only toilet paper.